So you think...

Those are some cool moves... Ellen always makes me laugh!

This will be my goal...

Living in the now

I would never expect such kind of "dancing" can be this inspiring and touching...

It is easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than to think yourself into a new way of acting.

Happiness is NOWHERE. Some see it as Happiness is NO WHERE. While others see Happiness is NOW HERE.

You can’t change the past, and you can ruin a perfectly good present, by worrying about the future.

Happy Birthday my dearest Mom. You are always loved and missed.

How can I (and you!) forget?

Lately I have been thinking what I fear the most is I would "forget" what I deem most important in life. I noticed I am not as emotional as a month ago as days go by. I have to keep reminding myself it cannot be due to my "forgeting" my Mom. When people asked me to forget about the past and keep looking ahead, I was close to the point of being offended. Yes we have to look to the future but we definitely cannot afford to forget the past.

The same thing goes with what happened 20 years ago. People start to justify by saying look at what China has achieved these 20 years and we should just let go of the past. Ok people got richer and the country looks fancier with the Olympics and being the world factory and whatnot. But are people smarter? Are people freer? The fear tactics and the silent treatments still disgust me. Sorry this is no 60s or 70s when the cultural revolutionary mentality still worked. We have the internet and records of the past that are widely available. A country as big as China with no guts to face history and even trying to blindfold and silence people with lies is just cowardy and should have no place in the world stage. Just thinking about such a country likely being the next world superpower is simply bone chilling.

蔡子強, a professor from my alma mater puts it well:
"一個怯懦得無法面對自己過去、面對自己歷史的民族，它將不會有足夠的力量，去巍然聳立於天地之間，面對未來。A faint-hearted nation that cannot face its past and its history will not have enough strength to stand tall in this world to face the future."

No, I won't forget. I just can't.

Lessons learned and a world changed

It was hard coming back to the States and I felt I was dropped into an entirely different world with the loss of certain influence in life now. A month has gone by but hardly did a day pass without my missing and thinking about Mom. No words can express how much gratitude and love I have for her. Each day there is new admiration and appreciation for her as I contemplate over her examplary life.

~ I have learned that Mom really enjoyed and loved life. She always opened herself to new ideas and exposed us to them as well. She studied hair-styling, make-up, driving, English, dancing, computers even late in her life. She found ways to put those skills into use and bless people around her.
~ I have come to realize that Mom has set high standards on herself. She always did things for a good reason, sometimes without others' understanding. She has been constantly finding ways to battle her illness and alleviate her stress without letting others know too much about it. She is such a trooper and she never gave up.
~ I have witnessed Mom treasured her friendship and it was amazing to see the outpouring of care and love from others during the past few weeks. And now I know just a few words of comfort from others did help and have great impact in lessening someone's pain.
~ I found myself truly blessed growing up in a wonderful home in Hong Kong. Mom and Dad had made such huge sacrifice to settle in here and provided us with fantastic environment to learn and grow.
~ I have noticed lately how insignificant many of the things in life are to me now and I really can't sweat the small stuff all the time. After all love does equal happiness, and I mean longlasting, long-term happiness, nothing else.

From now on I will no longer have the previlege of using the word "Mom" to address someone on earth and the word hence has become a sacred term to me. As I put up pictures of Mom around the house, a sense of bliss and peace naturally was flowing all around. The most important thing I have learned is I love my Mom with all my heart and she does love me too. No, I did not learn that, I do know she loves me. That's all it matters.

A Letter to Mom

Dearest Mom,

It has been 10 days since you have moved on but I still want to wish you a happy Mother's Day today. Your name is May and May 1st will never be the same. Though we are now apart and I missed you terribly, I am sure you are at peace and watching over us from above. You can be rest assured that you have left behind a legacy and touched so many lives on earth, particularly mine. You have given me life and saved mine numerous times. I still remember when I was battling with severe asthma and paying frequent visits to the hospital, your patience and perseverance gave me strength and support to make it through those unbearable days. How much I wish I could give it back to you, even just a little, when you were in the hospital bed. I wanted to turn back the clock and relive our lives together. Everywhere I go these days in Hong Kong bring back memories and experience with you in that particular place. Just a few months ago I was thrilled to have you visit and travel the Western US and Canada as a family for Doris' reception as well. Though it was exhausting for all of us and I am sure you were worn out even more, I had the time of my life and I hope the same for you. As I witnessed your fighting the fight in the past couple weeks, your courage and endurance were simply awespiring. Your last words, smiles, and even one single grip on my hand mean so much to me. And it was incredible that you even saved your precious breathe and energy to chat with your friends and even cracked jokes! No wonder Auntie Lau said you are one cute mom and a great friend. It will be hard for me to go back to the States and not listening to your voice any more through your regular weekly phone calls. I really want to say thank you for calling me faithfully every week and even almost daily later on. Your constant support in everything I do gave me tremendous strength to overcome any obstacles in front of me. All the credits in any success in my life definitely go to you, Mom.

Of course dad is missing you but I am glad we have been talking a lot these past few weeks and I learned so much through his experience and wisdom. I wish I had done that more often when you were around. But don't worry, he and all of us are in good hands through many caring relatives and friends. Even little/old BB has been nice and behaving well. She missed you. You are definitely missed by many more.

Mom, you are my best friend on earth and you have helped me to be a better person. I have learned so much, even more so in these few weeks, through your deeds and words. I see God in you. I now vow to be more caring to the family and people around me, strive to do my best in all my endeavors, and paying it forward to serve my fellow men to honor what you have done for us.

I love you Mom and I cannot wait to be reunited with you in the near future. God be with you till we meet again.

Your son,
Raymond

Remembering Mom...

Christmas is...

~white (but not the bumpy icy tricky road condition between Eugene & Portland)!!!~time for friends and family.
~presents.~time off doing nothing but eat, sleep, watching or reading whatever I want.
~Time to reflect and plan for the new year ahead.Have a happy holiday and wonderful new year!

Appreciation

First of all I can't be happier about the gas price these days! It's less than half of what it was only a few months ago (just compare that to a couple blog entries back). Great news for my upcoming trips for the holiday. Also I stupidly locked my keys in the car again and luckily found someone with AAA membership to call for help. I'm still one month short of being able to switch my insurance agent and I will switch to AAA for sure when the time comes.

Since last year I realized the so called Black Friday is getting pointless since one can get lots of deals online as well so I don't see why one would brave the coldness, darkness, and sleep deprivation just to save a few bucks. It's shocklingly sad that something like the Walmart trampling would happen here in the USA. I'm a humanist that any similar incidents in the past like the deaths caused by pilgrimage in Islamic Mecca, partying in Lan Kwai Fong a few years back in Hong Kong, and now the "doorbusters" in NYC are simply beyond my understanding. Nothing should take priority over a human life. People really are paying a heavy price for lessons on becoming truly civilized. Ironically I did check out a few items yesterday way after the "early bird doorbuster" whatchamacallit hours. As I was waiting in line to pay I was glad what I saw was the huge turnout of customers were doing their holiday shopping in an orderly manner. The lady behind me in line needed a lift for her bulky merchandize that I was more than happy to give her a hand. And she explained it was for upgrading her mom's bathroom and she was happy about it. So I'm not against the holiday shopping season at all as long as people are making each other happy. But I do think they need to do away the "doorbuster" concept as it will probably bring back bad memories from now on.

Anyway once in a while I like to do a video post with clips I enjoy. These two songs are my favorite lately and Ne-yo and Thicke's albums are the ones I love the most this year.




And the Muppet Show is my favorite show of all time. I still vividly remember how crazily I would LROF as I watched the show as a kid. If you wonder why I use the Swedish chef as my profile pic check these out. They are silly funny but I never get tired watching them and have a great laugh. LOL!

Gratified...

After a sumptuous meal, I feel the need to post this supposedly corny list of things I am thankful for. Here they are...

~My family and their well being, including our little shitzu BB at home, as there have been miracles in this past year and I feel truly blessed in this regard the most.

~My relatively stable job and my amazing class of students. I am really lucked out having such a great class now and I have overcome quite a lot and turned things around when some of my colleagues were openly working against me. Now we are like a dream team. Patience and thick skin do pay off!

~My slightly complicated upbringing and background have proven to be an advantage in many ways. It is kind of funny when many native mandarin speakers including my colleagues find out I am from Hong Kong they would compliment my decent Putonghua (which also is a backhanded compliment stating HKers' mandarin sucks!) I would find myself truly grateful for my parents' having lived in Beijing/Tianjin for a long time and forced us to use mandarin at home when we were little (whether we obeyed or not is another story). I can also relate to people from Indonesia (parents' birthplace and I have lived there for a summer), the Philippines (mission experience), Macau (mission), Japan (minor in Japanese Studies in college), Spanish speaking countries (Spanish in college and lots of spanish speaking students when I taught English), and now Germany and France (trying to learn the languages and be fluent someday). Also when my colleagues are whining about our next topic in the curriculum being medicine and health these days, I am the only one all excited because of my college degree in biology with medical experience. This also comes in handy when I am asked to do translation/interpretation on specialized and advanced subjects.

~All the relationships I have had with people, be it personal or professional, enjoyable or hurting, I truly have gained and learned a ton how to be a better person. Once in a while I would convince myself that I really am not a likable person because of past experiences, but during these past couple years I have learned to let go of a lot of the unnecessary baggage and things that I am now able to enjoy people and things a lot more. I do have true appreciation for genuinely nice and friendly people nevertheless.

~Being able to live and work in this country has been challenging but inspiring. There is no better place in my opinion that presents more opportunities and room for my growth and satisfaction for achieving my potentials.

~My desire for learning and knowledge fortunately haven't subsided since I left school. I am still finding ways to learn new things and ideas.

~My new apartment, car, and all my material possessions. I love the space now I am enjoying along with the ability to travel whenever and wherever I want. I also constantly find myself occupied with the gadgets I play with, i.e. my HDTV, computer/internet, iPods/Zune, etc. Technology rocks!

~My health and even my life is one of the most precious gifts that I could ask for. Learning from the experiences of others around me all I can say is never take a day for granted.

As we are approaching the last month of the year, I am already setting my eyes on next year for new goals: places I plan to visit, major purchases I will be making, projects intended to be finished, and new skills ready to be acquired. I am excited. Once again I can't wait for the family trip before the new year ensues though.

Finally... end of hiatus...

I don't even know why it has been almost 4 months since I last blogged, be it being busy or lazy, I'm just summing it up here the happenings all at once...

Went back to HK twice(!!!) for my own/mom's birthdays as well as Doris' wedding, both were fun and it was surprisingly nice to meet the new family as well as relatives/friends/acquaintances not seen for so long. Things went smooth and memorable... paid off my car!!! Now already setting my eyes on a new one... saw Alicia Keys in concert for my first HK trip... have been reading "The Year of Living Biblically" which is an amazing read... China did host an impressive Olympics, can the "success" last and be extended to other areas? Stay tuned... moved to my new place and it's 3-4 times as big and loving it, not so much the commute in the morning though, and I miss the old place somehow esp. the pool... halloween party at my new place planned for a handful but a dozen people showed up with one whole pizza left over which became my lunch/dinner for the entire week... Nathan visited in July, Emily and then Scott in September, Cindy in October, anyone next? I'm taking reservations now and I've got room (and board)... students are doing great, as long as my lunatic supervisor doesn't meddle with us/them (is she reading this?)... presented on psycholinguistics for the school. I don't know about the audience but at least I learned a lot myself during preparation and I did get good feedback... Stephen Schwartz (Wicked, Enchanted, Pochahontas, Godspell, Hunchback of Notre Dame, Pippin...) came to perform within five minute drive from my apartment! I was mesmerized by his talent and the singers he brought with... excited about the new President but not so thrilled about the bickering between the LDS and the Prop 8 opponents... really looking forward to the break and the trips in Christmas/New Year...

Those were included in the red pockets/laisees I gave them...

After the banquet.

It's an illusion... the big birds couldn't touch my lunch (with Cassandra and Cindy) because of the glass window.

And we saw something like this... a wild otter enjoying crab in the ocean! Lunch time for all of us...

That's about it. A happy birthday shoutout to Anthony and dad! And I think this is too cute not to put up.

Happy birth... month!

July is the month of birthdays, or birthmonth to me. It seems all the coolest and the greatest minds were born this month! At her birthday lunch today at Maggiano's Paige made a comment that people in October must be very happy... go figure... LOL!!!

Anyways, shoutouts to the following: Nate (you are actually a couple days off July but I still include you, you know why), Paige, Amy, Jordan, Caroline, Sophia, Justin, Moon, Mom, the US of A, and last but not least myself... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Dad, happy days!

I could hardly believe my eyes when I finished fueling up my car with gas today... almost $70 (average around $40 in the past)!!! With gas price reaching $5/gallon now it is almost impossible to imagine how much it cost back then just less than 7 years ago when I came to the States... less than a dollar (pre-911)! So with inflation almost out of control these days I was just talking with a friend that one's financial strategy now is not just how much one can save but how much more one can earn to offset the increasing living costs.

Nevertheless I am glad to say I am at peace and I feel loved this past week. I am thankful and indebted to the couple people who helped me through the challenging days especially from work. You know who you are. :)

Finally my shout to dad for a happy Father's Day! I'll make up for the meal I missed when I'm back soon...

Dies ist noch nicht vorbei... this is not over yet...

About 4 months ago I planned to take the German class as for my personal interest and possibly ideas for my own language teaching. Now I am so glad I did and finished by taking the final with NO studying because I skipped the last couple of classes while Doris was in town and I was way too exhausted after a day's work for the past couple of weeks. I think I did quite good regardless of some of the words I already forgot. Tonight we celebrated afterwards with a dinner at a German restaurant. The food was just ok but the ambience and comradarie was wonderful. Basically every single student loved the class and is coming back for second semester if one can. I think it is quite an achievement the teacher has accomplished with such diverse students. Everyone was reminiscing the creative and fun sketches we did. They kept commenting how good an actor I was but my response was I hated acting to begin with but now I have grown to be quite fond of it! And the teacher has totally inspired me to be a better teacher and I even told her that. The funny thing I learned tonight is that she is dating a young guy who is a DLI graduate of Chinese and we chatted quite a bit.

On a totally different note, what would happened if you were to put some of the funniest things on TV together, such as SNL, the Office, Steve Carell, Deal or No Deal, and even the Japanese? Check these out... and I think Kristen Wiig is absolutely brilliant who makes me laugh and cry at the same time... What makes it even funnier is that they really are speaking Japanese! And don't forget I minored Japanese Studies in college!

Laughing matter aside, let's not forget what happened 19 years ago today... And as a german classmate who is an army veteran told me, he is optimistic about the change the Olympics will bring to Communist China. Everyone's fingers crossed...

B-R-E-A-K

I've been longing to update and post on the blog but it seems my mind always races way ahead of my body and fingers to put thoughts into words and actions. So I'm gonna "photo-blog" some of the things that happened in the past couple weeks.

I had my much deserved break after I almost had a mental breakdown myself because of stress from work, or to be more specific from certain people at work. My sister was in town so we got to travel to LA and visited Hearst Castle on the way. We literally bought the last pair of available tickets to the tour!
The next day we took a tour of the NBC Studio in Burbank, which is right behind the Hollywood sign. As a TV buff myself it was way fun to visit a running TV studio again. I have taken a similar tour of NBC in NYC before but this one is more fun and intimate with a smaller group but way cheaper at the same time. The most impressive thing when we were visiting Jay Leno's set was while we were looking at Jay's nice car the guide/page said most people wear different clothes but drive the same car to work, Jay does the opposite! And when we were visiting the Access Hollywood set we noticed there were a group of reporters quite a distance away seemed like interviewing a celebrity. It was David Cook! He just won the little show called American Idol the night before. The funniest thing was the people in our group were in their middle ages and quite clueless about the show and they asked what the buzz was all about. Then a staff came through and told us to watch behind his back, and as people were expecting some sort of equipment was making its way through then here came Cook! We totally could have asked him for pictures or autographs (and sell them on ebay) as there was no one around him but an assistant, however our group seemed indifferent about it and so we kept our cool and moved on... In the afternoon we were super lucky that we were able to get into the Tonight Show and got great seats in the house! So we saw Leno, the First Lady Laura and her daughter Jenna Bush, and once again Cook. The poor David looked exhausted but genuinely nice.Waiting in line to get in to the Tonight Show. With Doris on the bottom left...

Cook-leno
by greateggs

The following day we were back and were able to see lots of whales on our whale watching excursion!After Doris left I saw both Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull as well as Iron Man over the memorial weekend. I like both movies but the former has a wacky ending while the latter a predicatable plot. I prefer the Indy film just because of the nostalgia and the comradarie it brings back. Watching it is just like taking the disney ride again.
Final thought of the day:

Do I want to be feared or loved? Um... easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

-Michael Scott from the Office

Ok back to work!

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Prank

One of the best pranks on the phone...

Angry Chinese?

I almost became one myself because of totally different reasons (read on for explanations below). With the approaching of the olympics in less than 100 days as well as the chain of events lately such as the torch relays, deporting Danish sculptor Galschiot of the "Pillar of Shame" from Hong Kong (how fit the title it is for such action by the HK, and possibly PRC governments), and protests for different causes in all corners of the world, China is under unprecedented scrutiny as a host of such a worldwide event. I've read a few insightful and interesting articles including the Economist and the National Geographic. I just want to say both China and its people (counting myself in) really need to learn to be good hosts to the world despite all the "oppositions". This is the price of presenting oneself a prominent role on the world stage. It seems the nation as a whole has already partially failed the test by overreacting to the "negative press" from the West and the zealous Chinese citizens trying to silence any voices not supportive of the Chinese Olympics or the PRC's Tibetan policies. Bear in mind almost every single Olympic host countries have taken their shares of criticism and the success pretty much lies in how poised and mature the countries acted politics-wise. Imagine how "excited" many of the Westerners, especially the French, would be to come visit China now for the Olympics without worrying being "attacked".

Back to more personal issues. These past couple days I have been very bothered and troubled by certain behaviors of one particular mainland Chinese colleague but after much thought, I realized I have gained insights from those Chinese articles that instead of being an angry Chinese myself, I just need to keep on carrying out my duties 100% to stay blameless on my part and not to lose my cool. And there sure is a price to pay for being in a leadership position that one is proned to criticism, whether constructive or not. And I am a true believer of Karma that you reap what you sow, as can be seen in the fact that a few "troublemakers" in our department are gone now...

Potpourri...

It is almost like a potpourri of very interesting events today that I have to write something about it.

Things have been going very well for the new class (at least I think) today until some communication problems popped up among the colleagues. Without naming names and specifications (I have learned my hard lesson from my blog here) some people's Chinese old school cultural revolutionary mentality totally drives me nuts. Being Chinese myself, I really can't stand many of our "mainland comrades" of their self-centered "biggest gains with the least effort" type of attitude at work. I was treated like their best friend if their benefits/rewards are at stake but I would be shown a "bad face" when I am asking someone to carry out their responsibilities. I feel like a work environment of "everyone eating from the same pot" is encouraging and nurturing this kind of work ethics that I despise the most. The biggest home to this school of thought once again is the PRC government that its people are being fed with propaganda of such kind subconsciously. It goes along with my puzzlement that why the independence of Tibet is such a taboo and evil thing. Why is Dalai Lama treated like a demon? The tactics of vilifying the person that voices a different opinion of yours is so typical of the communist word games that it takes simple logic and education to counter the arguments. I wonder how many people have really studied the history of Tibet. I admit I haven't until these past few weeks to realize what a beautiful culture and religion is being jeopardized in the name of economic prosperity. If displaying my love/heart for China on my MSN messenger means I am a supporter of such irrational ideology of many Chinese, sorry, I DON'T LOVE CHINA (no offense to many of my friends with the display on their MSN). I know I probably would be labelled as a traitor but I don't feel like I am not patriotic at all. I think many people do get the concepts mixed up.

While I was still upset about this, I am glad I got to attend my German class right after work. What a huge contrast it was to see my lovely teacher and classmates all contribute to the party today. Many of us did not just bring the minimum amount of food but it turned out to be a huuuuuge feast in class! And I was thrilled that my German sketch performance with my cute partner worked out great that I got compliments on my acting. I never thought I would be a good actor but I start to develop a fondness to it. Anyways it's a great class because everyone was very into what they are doing and bring out more than a 100%. I keep thinking if every single person of the billion strong population in China can do something like this without being selfish, how much nicer the world would become. And here is the evidence of the pretty dessert my classmates made. And I could not help to take the cupcake with the word "lehrer" which means "teacher" in German...
And the last thing is a very good college friend of mine whom I reconnected with through facebook and talked on the phone for 1.5 hours (which is extremely rare in my case) agreed with me that the "magic of facebook" has worked wonders on strengthening our friendships and relationships, even crossing the boundaries of places and times.

Gute Nacht!