Thanks for the childhood memories...

6 months later...

Still missing you... Love you Mom!

So you think...

Those are some cool moves... Ellen always makes me laugh!

This will be my goal...

Living in the now

I would never expect such kind of "dancing" can be this inspiring and touching...

It is easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than to think yourself into a new way of acting.

Happiness is NOWHERE. Some see it as Happiness is NO WHERE. While others see Happiness is NOW HERE.

You can’t change the past, and you can ruin a perfectly good present, by worrying about the future.

Happy Birthday my dearest Mom. You are always loved and missed.

How can I (and you!) forget?

Lately I have been thinking what I fear the most is I would "forget" what I deem most important in life. I noticed I am not as emotional as a month ago as days go by. I have to keep reminding myself it cannot be due to my "forgeting" my Mom. When people asked me to forget about the past and keep looking ahead, I was close to the point of being offended. Yes we have to look to the future but we definitely cannot afford to forget the past.

The same thing goes with what happened 20 years ago. People start to justify by saying look at what China has achieved these 20 years and we should just let go of the past. Ok people got richer and the country looks fancier with the Olympics and being the world factory and whatnot. But are people smarter? Are people freer? The fear tactics and the silent treatments still disgust me. Sorry this is no 60s or 70s when the cultural revolutionary mentality still worked. We have the internet and records of the past that are widely available. A country as big as China with no guts to face history and even trying to blindfold and silence people with lies is just cowardy and should have no place in the world stage. Just thinking about such a country likely being the next world superpower is simply bone chilling.

蔡子強, a professor from my alma mater puts it well:
"一個怯懦得無法面對自己過去、面對自己歷史的民族，它將不會有足夠的力量，去巍然聳立於天地之間，面對未來。A faint-hearted nation that cannot face its past and its history will not have enough strength to stand tall in this world to face the future."

No, I won't forget. I just can't.

Lessons learned and a world changed

It was hard coming back to the States and I felt I was dropped into an entirely different world with the loss of certain influence in life now. A month has gone by but hardly did a day pass without my missing and thinking about Mom. No words can express how much gratitude and love I have for her. Each day there is new admiration and appreciation for her as I contemplate over her examplary life.

~ I have learned that Mom really enjoyed and loved life. She always opened herself to new ideas and exposed us to them as well. She studied hair-styling, make-up, driving, English, dancing, computers even late in her life. She found ways to put those skills into use and bless people around her.
~ I have come to realize that Mom has set high standards on herself. She always did things for a good reason, sometimes without others' understanding. She has been constantly finding ways to battle her illness and alleviate her stress without letting others know too much about it. She is such a trooper and she never gave up.
~ I have witnessed Mom treasured her friendship and it was amazing to see the outpouring of care and love from others during the past few weeks. And now I know just a few words of comfort from others did help and have great impact in lessening someone's pain.
~ I found myself truly blessed growing up in a wonderful home in Hong Kong. Mom and Dad had made such huge sacrifice to settle in here and provided us with fantastic environment to learn and grow.
~ I have noticed lately how insignificant many of the things in life are to me now and I really can't sweat the small stuff all the time. After all love does equal happiness, and I mean longlasting, long-term happiness, nothing else.

From now on I will no longer have the previlege of using the word "Mom" to address someone on earth and the word hence has become a sacred term to me. As I put up pictures of Mom around the house, a sense of bliss and peace naturally was flowing all around. The most important thing I have learned is I love my Mom with all my heart and she does love me too. No, I did not learn that, I do know she loves me. That's all it matters.

A Letter to Mom

Dearest Mom,

It has been 10 days since you have moved on but I still want to wish you a happy Mother's Day today. Your name is May and May 1st will never be the same. Though we are now apart and I missed you terribly, I am sure you are at peace and watching over us from above. You can be rest assured that you have left behind a legacy and touched so many lives on earth, particularly mine. You have given me life and saved mine numerous times. I still remember when I was battling with severe asthma and paying frequent visits to the hospital, your patience and perseverance gave me strength and support to make it through those unbearable days. How much I wish I could give it back to you, even just a little, when you were in the hospital bed. I wanted to turn back the clock and relive our lives together. Everywhere I go these days in Hong Kong bring back memories and experience with you in that particular place. Just a few months ago I was thrilled to have you visit and travel the Western US and Canada as a family for Doris' reception as well. Though it was exhausting for all of us and I am sure you were worn out even more, I had the time of my life and I hope the same for you. As I witnessed your fighting the fight in the past couple weeks, your courage and endurance were simply awespiring. Your last words, smiles, and even one single grip on my hand mean so much to me. And it was incredible that you even saved your precious breathe and energy to chat with your friends and even cracked jokes! No wonder Auntie Lau said you are one cute mom and a great friend. It will be hard for me to go back to the States and not listening to your voice any more through your regular weekly phone calls. I really want to say thank you for calling me faithfully every week and even almost daily later on. Your constant support in everything I do gave me tremendous strength to overcome any obstacles in front of me. All the credits in any success in my life definitely go to you, Mom.

Of course dad is missing you but I am glad we have been talking a lot these past few weeks and I learned so much through his experience and wisdom. I wish I had done that more often when you were around. But don't worry, he and all of us are in good hands through many caring relatives and friends. Even little/old BB has been nice and behaving well. She missed you. You are definitely missed by many more.

Mom, you are my best friend on earth and you have helped me to be a better person. I have learned so much, even more so in these few weeks, through your deeds and words. I see God in you. I now vow to be more caring to the family and people around me, strive to do my best in all my endeavors, and paying it forward to serve my fellow men to honor what you have done for us.

I love you Mom and I cannot wait to be reunited with you in the near future. God be with you till we meet again.

Your son,
Raymond

Remembering Mom...