How can I (and you!) forget?

Lately I have been thinking what I fear the most is I would "forget" what I deem most important in life. I noticed I am not as emotional as a month ago as days go by. I have to keep reminding myself it cannot be due to my "forgeting" my Mom. When people asked me to forget about the past and keep looking ahead, I was close to the point of being offended. Yes we have to look to the future but we definitely cannot afford to forget the past.

The same thing goes with what happened 20 years ago. People start to justify by saying look at what China has achieved these 20 years and we should just let go of the past. Ok people got richer and the country looks fancier with the Olympics and being the world factory and whatnot. But are people smarter? Are people freer? The fear tactics and the silent treatments still disgust me. Sorry this is no 60s or 70s when the cultural revolutionary mentality still worked. We have the internet and records of the past that are widely available. A country as big as China with no guts to face history and even trying to blindfold and silence people with lies is just cowardy and should have no place in the world stage. Just thinking about such a country likely being the next world superpower is simply bone chilling.

蔡子強, a professor from my alma mater puts it well:
"一個怯懦得無法面對自己過去、面對自己歷史的民族，它將不會有足夠的力量，去巍然聳立於天地之間，面對未來。A faint-hearted nation that cannot face its past and its history will not have enough strength to stand tall in this world to face the future."

No, I won't forget. I just can't.

Lessons learned and a world changed

It was hard coming back to the States and I felt I was dropped into an entirely different world with the loss of certain influence in life now. A month has gone by but hardly did a day pass without my missing and thinking about Mom. No words can express how much gratitude and love I have for her. Each day there is new admiration and appreciation for her as I contemplate over her examplary life.

~ I have learned that Mom really enjoyed and loved life. She always opened herself to new ideas and exposed us to them as well. She studied hair-styling, make-up, driving, English, dancing, computers even late in her life. She found ways to put those skills into use and bless people around her.
~ I have come to realize that Mom has set high standards on herself. She always did things for a good reason, sometimes without others' understanding. She has been constantly finding ways to battle her illness and alleviate her stress without letting others know too much about it. She is such a trooper and she never gave up.
~ I have witnessed Mom treasured her friendship and it was amazing to see the outpouring of care and love from others during the past few weeks. And now I know just a few words of comfort from others did help and have great impact in lessening someone's pain.
~ I found myself truly blessed growing up in a wonderful home in Hong Kong. Mom and Dad had made such huge sacrifice to settle in here and provided us with fantastic environment to learn and grow.
~ I have noticed lately how insignificant many of the things in life are to me now and I really can't sweat the small stuff all the time. After all love does equal happiness, and I mean longlasting, long-term happiness, nothing else.

From now on I will no longer have the previlege of using the word "Mom" to address someone on earth and the word hence has become a sacred term to me. As I put up pictures of Mom around the house, a sense of bliss and peace naturally was flowing all around. The most important thing I have learned is I love my Mom with all my heart and she does love me too. No, I did not learn that, I do know she loves me. That's all it matters.